What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish? You would like to read.Hilarious Sayings and phrases by famous personalities10 Most hilarious sayings and quotes by Abraham LincolnTop 13 inspirational funny quotes by Benjamin FranklinTop 11 Funny motivational quotes by George Bernard ShawHilarious Sayings and phrases by famous personalities10 Most hilarious sayings and quotes by Abraham LincolnTop 13 inspirational funny quotes by Benjamin FranklinTop 11 Funny motivational quotes by George Bernard Shaw First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. Send someone to fetch a child of five.Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. 98. If lying was a job some people would be billionaires.118. But its ok, they know me here.You should eat a waffle! God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. If you are a fan of Spider Man, you may be familiar with these quotes. Because the quotes on humor are not that much hilarious. 173. Don’t worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? June 4, 2020. 72. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit … You may die of a misprint.She’s strong! I never apologize. 145. Well, no. You can tell the quality of the artist by the quality of his smock. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.I ran five miles today. Who says nothing is impossible? – Roy Lichtenstein43. A short road it is indeed!
133. My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.
But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt. – Elbert HubbardIf you want your children to listen, try talking softly – to someone else.
Sorry, I didn’t pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone. 132. It is, therefore, safe to say that, sense of humor can help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. 1. I’m old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway.
It’s always been right in front of me.My cigarettes and I are going outside. I eat cake because it’s someone’s birthday somewhere today. 160. “I thought you liked it.”Okay, God, I thought. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. One is as though nothing is a miracle.
Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late. Art doesn’t transform.
It’s called tomorrow. 52. “Don’t drink and park – accidents cause people.”. – Lily Tomlin242. – Jackie CollinsTo err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. I hate everyone equally. 159. – Ann LandersA committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours. But not simpler.Student: Dr. Einstein, Aren’t these the same questions as last year’s [physics] final exam?Dr. People say you can’t live without love, but I think oxygen is more important.102. 96.
Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. – Henny Youngman246. And scary…I bet she’s single…I’d put money on it.Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more.I’d rather have 1% of the effort of 100 men than 100% of my own effort.Life is pleasant. I just go normal from time to time. Especially you might like the short funny quotes about friends and wife.Trouble knocked at the door, but, hearing laughter, hurried away.Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.I didn’t fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.In the Affairs of this World Men are saved, not by Faith,Happiness depends more on the inward disposition of mind than on outward circumstances.Life biggest tragedy is that we get old too soon and wise too late.To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girlfriends.The way to see by faith is to shut the eye of reason.There are three faithful friends – an old wife, an old dog, and ready money.If you’re curious to inspire yourself with short funny quotes about life.
The end of the world has been postponed!Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won’t even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.Here is the collection of the most popular short funny sayings and hilarious quotes about life by famous people. Your brains, my charm, our collective good looks… then add in the usual physical abilities dhampirs get.A gun. Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didn’t see your car. 163. 148. Do, or do not. I haven’t talked to my wife in three weeks. I didn’t fall, I’m just spending some quality time with the floor. – Rodney Dangerfield198. Please, add more pictures of these quotes.Great Collection of Funny Quotes. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. If life give you lemons make some lemonade, if it gives you coconut throw it at the person you hate. 26. If you’re feeling worried and tense, you’ll love this collection of short funny life quotes to make you chuckle and improve your mood. Marriage is like a walk in the park, Jurassic Park.155. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.I came from a real tough neighbourhood. “Well, except for my parents. I breathe in and out. 50.